Brent Schulkin

About this item

What does this product do?

• Currently works as Head of Product at a climate tech & insurance startup. We think we have the world's best wildfire risk model and we're building a home insurance company around that. Now insuring over $40 billion worth of homes in California.
• Founder of Hijack Capitalism, an online community based on the ideas in my new video series, "How to Hijack Capitalism". Apparently I'm in the early days of becoming a (reluctant) TikTok influencer.
• Founder of Trick or Treat, an upcoming Halloween-themed exchange-traded fund that does climate activism.
• Founder of Carrotmob, a global social movement which I previously founded and led and am currently in the process of relaunching. So far, this is what I am best known for.
• Founder of Cofounders the Musical, a hip hop musical about the Bay Area, racial justice, tech startups, etc... We just finished a 6 week sold-out run at the American Conservatory Theater in San Francisco.
• Founder of Euclid Manor, a 13 bedroom mansion & co-living community in Oakland. We are known for our good vibes and house concerts.
• Founder of a men's group which has only been publicly discussed here.

Adjustable Location

I'm currently based in Oakland, with very deep community and roots in the Bay, but I'm shifting to a nomadic lifestyle in January 2026. If we have a few good video calls, I may just travel to wherever you are in the world to see what happens. Open to moving, or to a relationship where we switch off between locations, before eventually starting a village with all our close friends.

Body Features

Regular maintenance includes gym and running. Irregular maintenance includes yoga and meditation. Eats relatively healthy and can adapt to partners with dietary restrictions. No tattoos, no piercings. On special occasions he may superglue rhinestones to his head. Beautifully proportioned feet. Extremely flexible ears. Body comes fully vaccinated with no STIs, no cavities, and no corrective lenses required. Now featuring a brand new vasectomy!

FAQ

Is this item compatible with people who already have kids?

I'm not looking for a parenting experience, nor am I looking for a lifestyle bound by the constraints that typically come with having a partner who is a parent. I'm open to partners with kids if it's an uncommon situation with relatively light lifestyle impact.

Is there a version without purple hair?

Yes! We welcome buyers like you who have bad taste in hair. If Brent falls in love with you you'll be given admin privileges granting you the ability to modify Brent's hair settings.

Will I have this product to myself or will I have to share?

Brent has been extensively tested for both monogamy and non-monogamy and subjected to over 1,000,000 stress simulations and has met and exceeded ANSI/ISO benchmarks for compersion. He has never cheated on anyone, boasting a 100% commitment uptime SLA. Out of the box, his factory settings are tuned to "monogamish" with 92% of each partner's romantic attention focused on the other partner, adjustable to 100% during acute moments of need. The other 8% is dynamically allocated to others by an algorithm which the buyer can adjust to fit their desires, lifestyle, psychological wiring, and traumas. If the buyer is poly then they could turn the dial as low as 75%, as long as we're talking about hierarchical poly where there is full clarity and trust about the primacy of the primary partnership. Kitchen table poly would be preferred, not compatible with solo poly or relationship anarchy. It's technically possible to decrease the attention dial down to 50%, but this can only be done if the buyer wishes to form a committed triad with Janelle Monáe. Strict monogamists may wish to lock the dial at 100%. This too is possible, and easily achieved by Brent's commitment capabilities. However, it's up to the buyer to convince Brent that this really is the best overall choice, and that it's worth making a dubious firmware update to his factory settings.

Am I the type of person that Brent is looking for?

The answer may be yes if:

• You are on a mission to change the world.
• You have charisma.
• You are deeply curious.
• You enjoy subverting the dominant paradigm.
• You play on the frontier of culture.
• You are an optimist (at least sometimes).
• You are funny (at least in my opinion).